Humour
- Text Based
The
Bart Simpson Blackboard Collection
The
opening credits of "The Simpsons" shows Bart Simpson writing
the same sentence over and over again on a chalkboard, the
old "write it 100 times" punishment, which establishes him
as a troublemaker. Each episode is different. Someone apparently
went to the trouble of taping all the Simpsons, watching them
all and writing down what Bart is writing on the board. These
are the collected writings of Bart Simpson from the opening
credits.(Well, most of them anyway..... Bear in mind that
I *ahem* acquired these some time ago so they won't be fully
up to date.)
I will not
carve gods.
I will not
spank others.
I will not
aim for the head.
I will not
barf unless I'm sick.
I will not
expose the ignorance of the faculty.
I saw nothing
unusual in the teacher's lounge.
I will not
conduct my own fire drills.
Funny noises
are not funny.
I will not
snap bras.
I will not
fake seizures.
This punishment
is not boring and pointless.
My name
is not Dr. Death.
I will not
defame New Orleans.
I will not
prescribe medication.
I will not
bury the new kid.
I will not
teach others to fly.
I will not
bring sheep to class.
A burp is
not an answer.
Teacher
is not a leper.
Coffee is
not for kids.
I will not
eat things for money.
I will not
yell "She's Dead" at roll call.
The principal's
toupee is not a Frisbee.
I will not
call the principal "spud head".
Goldfish
don't bounce.
Mud is not
one of the 4 food groups.
No one is
interested in my underpants.
I will not
sell miracle cures.
I will return
the seeing-eye dog.
I do not
have diplomatic immunity.
I will not
charge admission to the bathroom.
I will never
win an Emmy Award.
The cafeteria
deep fryer is not a toy.
All work
and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
I will not
say "Springfield" just to get applause.
I am not
authorized to fire substitute teachers.
My homework
was not stolen by a one-armed man.
I will not
go near the kindergarten turtle.
I am not
"deliciously saucy".
Organ transplants
are best left to professionals.
The Pledge
of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan".
I will not
celebrate meaningless milestones.
There are
plenty of businesses like show business.
Five days
is not too long to wait for a gun.
I will not
waste chalk.
I will not
skateboard in the halls.
Underwear
should be worn on the inside.
The Christmas
Pageant does not stink.
I will not
torment the emotionally frail.
I will not
start an insurrection.