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Beer Related Quotes

Some wonderful statements, about one of my favourite liquids, made by some incredible people...
  1. You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. - Frank Zappa
  2. Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. - Ernest Hemmingway
  3. Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. - Winston Churchill
  4. He was a wise man who invented beer. - Plato
  5. Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. - Catherine Zandonella
  6. A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. - W.C. Fields
  7. Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink. - Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it. - His reply
  8. If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs. - David Daye
  9. Work is the curse of the drinking class. - Oscar Wilde
  10. When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. - Henny Youngman
  11. Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin
  12. If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. - Deep Thought, Jack Handy
  13. Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. - Dave Barry
  14. The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. - Humphrey Bogart
  15. Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine. - David Moulton
  16. People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot. - Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI
  17. Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Wilhelm
  18. I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer. - Homer Simpson
  19. Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry
  20. I drink to make other people interesting. - George Jean Nathan
  21. They who drink beer will think beer. - Washington Irving
  22. An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. - For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemingway
  23. You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. - Dean Martin
  24. All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. - Homer Simpson
  25. "Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." - Jack Handy
  26. "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. " - Frank Sinatra
  27. "24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not." - Stephen Wright
  28. "When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we all asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!" - Brian O'Rourke
  29. "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." - Benjamin Franklin
  30. And saving the best for last, As explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went: "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as
    the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. "In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."