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Humour - Text Based
Beer
Related Quotes
Some
wonderful statements, about one of my favourite liquids, made
by some incredible people...
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You
can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline
- it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some
nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. -
Frank Zappa
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Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach
you to keep your mouth shut. - Ernest Hemmingway
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Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than
alcohol has taken out of me. - Winston Churchill
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He was a wise man who invented beer. - Plato
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Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. - Catherine
Zandonella
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency
to thank her. - W.C. Fields
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Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink. -
Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it. - His
reply
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If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given
us stomachs. - David Daye
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Work is the curse of the drinking class. - Oscar Wilde
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When
I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. - Henny
Youngman
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Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
- Benjamin Franklin
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If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer,
I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. - Deep Thought,
Jack Handy
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Without question, the greatest invention in the history of
mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a
fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with
pizza. - Dave Barry
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The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks
behind. - Humphrey Bogart
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Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from
urine. - David Moulton
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People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer;
they just like to pee a lot. - Capital Brewery, Middleton,
WI
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Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
- Kaiser Wilhelm
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I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
- Homer Simpson
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Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen
and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water,
a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry
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I drink to make other people interesting. - George Jean
Nathan
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They who drink beer will think beer. - Washington Irving
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An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend
time with his fools. - For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest
Hemingway
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You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding
on. - Dean Martin
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All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me -
so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with
beer. - Homer Simpson
- "Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink
I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the
workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If
I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their
dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is
better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true
than be selfish and worry about my liver." - Jack Handy
- "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake
up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all
day. " - Frank Sinatra
- "24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
I think not." - Stephen Wright
- "When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall
asleep. When we all asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit
no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go
to heaven!" - Brian O'Rourke
- "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be
happy." - Benjamin Franklin
- And saving the best for last, As explained by Cliff Clavin,
of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining
the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went: "Well
ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move
as fast as
the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the
slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because
the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving
by the regular killing of the weakest members. "In much
the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the
slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know,
kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and
weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption
of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain
a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel
smarter after a few beers."
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