Humour - Text Based
Cars And Computers
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for
the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At COMDEX
a few years ago, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry
with the auto industry and stated:
"If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer
industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000
miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be
driving cars with the following characteristics:
- For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a
- Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would
have to buy a new car.
- Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason.
You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close
all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen
the windows before you could continue. For some reason you
would simply accept this.
- Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would
cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which
case you would have to reinstall the engine.
- Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun,
was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive,
but would run on only five percent of the roads.
- The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights
would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed
An Illegal Operation" warning light.
- The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before
- Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock
you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously
lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of
the radio antenna.
- Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have
to learn how to drive all over again, because none of the
controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
- Oh yeah, and last but not least . . . you'd have to press
the "Start" button to turn the engine off!