Humour - Text Based
few of the main indicators that you just MIGHT partake a little
- You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
- You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the
- Classes start interfering with your drinking.
- Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
- Your career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
- The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
- You sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food
- That damned pink elephant followed you home again.
- You believe "Two hands and just one mouth... That's a drinking
- When you enter a party people shout, "Norm!"
- You can focus better with one eye closed.
- The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the
- Every woman you see has an exact twin.
- Beer, Beer, Beer... is all you can say after the 12th one.
- If you keep asking your wife, "Where are the kids?", but
you don't really have a wife. She's actually your couch.
- You fall off the floor.
- You discover in the morning that your liquid cleaning supplies
have mysteriously disappeared.
- Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
- You had your "Spuds McKenzie" tattoo removed, and replaced
it with "Red Dog."
- 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, so you skip
- Beer: it's not just for breakfast anymore.
- The glass keeps missing your mouth.
- Bill Clinton starts to make sense.
- When you go to donate blood they ask what proof it is.
- Mosquitoes and vampires catch a buzz after biting you.
- You believe your only drinking problem is not having a drink
- At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
- Your idea of cutting back is less seltzer.
- Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they
walk past you.
- Having a hard time staying on the side walk because you walk
in the pattern: Left, right stumble fall.
- You wake up in the bedroom, but your underwear is in the
bathroom and you fell asleep clothed.
- When you tell people, "I'm not under the affluence of incohol."
- You wake up with a traffic cone between your legs.
- When you tell people, "I'm not drunk... You're just sober."
- Even rednecks stops doing jokes about your drinking.
- You find yourself as the captain for the Exxon Valdez.
- When the bar owner actually carved your name onto your own
- Roseanne looks good.
- You don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
- You like the Barney socks you're wearing.