Humour - Text Based

Drinking Problem ...

A few of the main indicators that you just MIGHT partake a little too much...

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
2. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
3. Classes start interfering with your drinking.
4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
5. Your career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
6. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
7. You sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
8. That damned pink elephant followed you home again.
9. You believe "Two hands and just one mouth... That's a drinking problem."
10. When you enter a party people shout, "Norm!"
11. You can focus better with one eye closed.
12. The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
13. Every woman you see has an exact twin.
14. Beer, Beer, Beer... is all you can say after the 12th one.
15. If you keep asking your wife, "Where are the kids?", but you don't really have a wife. She's actually your couch.
16. You fall off the floor.
17. You discover in the morning that your liquid cleaning supplies have mysteriously disappeared.
18. Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
19. You had your "Spuds McKenzie" tattoo removed, and replaced it with "Red Dog."
20. 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, so you skip dinner.
21. Beer: it's not just for breakfast anymore.
22. The glass keeps missing your mouth.
23. Bill Clinton starts to make sense.
24. When you go to donate blood they ask what proof it is.
25. Mosquitoes and vampires catch a buzz after biting you.
26. You believe your only drinking problem is not having a drink right now.
27. At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
28. Your idea of cutting back is less seltzer.
29. Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.
30. Having a hard time staying on the side walk because you walk in the pattern: Left, right stumble fall.
31. You wake up in the bedroom, but your underwear is in the bathroom and you fell asleep clothed.
32. When you tell people, "I'm not under the affluence of incohol."
33. You wake up with a traffic cone between your legs.
34. When you tell people, "I'm not drunk... You're just sober."
35. Even rednecks stops doing jokes about your drinking.
36. You find yourself as the captain for the Exxon Valdez.
37. When the bar owner actually carved your name onto your own barstool.
38. Roseanne looks good.
39. You don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
40. You like the Barney socks you're wearing.