Humour - Text Based
... On Healthcare
Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching
on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one, a man on
the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all
that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your
teeth, and make you fat."
Little Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived
to be 107 years old."
"Oh?" replied the man. "Did your
grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
"No" replied Little JOHNNY, "he
minded his own f***ing business!!"
... On Philosophy
A teacher asks her class, "If there are
5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many
will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away
with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer
is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then little Johnny says, "I have a question
for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice
cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies,
"Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and
sucked the cone."
To which Little JOHNNY replied, "The correct
answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your
... on Math
Little Johnny returns home from school and says he got an F
"Why?" asks the father."
"The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3?' I said 6,"
"But that's right!" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me, 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the f***ing difference?" asks the father?
"That's what I said!" replies Johnny
... on English
Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher
says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words,
class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
Johnny says " Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little
Johnny, that's a mouthful."
Little Johnny says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're
thinking of a blowjob."
... on Grammar
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the
teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the
word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First she called on little Suzie, who responded
with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and
she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher.
She then called on little Michael.
"My Mommy planned a beautiful banquet and
it turned out beautifully."
The teacher responded, "Excellent, Michael!"
Then, she reluctantly called on little Johnny.
"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister
told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, "Beautiful,
just f***ing beautiful."