Humour - Text Based
Out of the mouths of babes...
A few snippets I have come across that make you
realise kids think a lot more clearly than we sometimes give them
Jonah And The Whale
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher
said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human
because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow
a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom
of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around
to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently,
she asked what the drawing was?
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows
what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing,
the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
The children had all been photographed, and the
teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the
"Just think how nice it will be to look at
it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's
a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael. He's a doctor.'"
A small voice at the back of the room rang out,
"And there's the teacher. She's dead."
A Circular Argument
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation
of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now,
class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run
into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright
in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary
school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun
made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE.
God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the
table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had
written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."