Humour - Text Based

Pickup Lines...

From the really cheesy, to the truly inspired ;op

"My name is [name here]. Just remember that so you know what to scream later."

"You have pretty eyeballs. Of course they'd be better if they were eyeing my pretty balls."

"Is there any airport nearby or was it just my heart taking off?"

"Was it love at first sight or should I walk by again?"

At the photocopier- "Reproducing eh? Mind if I help?"

"All those curves, and me with no brakes"

"Here's 10p (25c, whatever). Call ya mum and tell her you won't be home tonight"

"My face is leaving in 15 minutes, be on it"

"Is it hot in here, or is it just you?"

"Was your father a thief? He must have been, he stole the stars from the skies and put them in your eyes"

"That's a beautiful dress.... it would look great on my bedroom floor"

"Go on be different, say 'yes'"

"Grab your coat, you've pulled"

Motion over a girl with your little finger.
When she walks over say, "If I can make you come with my little finger imagine what the rest of me can do"

What never fails is a card done at one of those quicky business card boxes at stations. On one side put "Smile if you want to sleep with me".. give it someone and watch them fight back the grin

"Hey pretty thing, are you looking for a job?"
"No"
"Well I'd like to have you on my staff anyway!"

"Excuse me, are you a virgin?"
"No"
"Then can I have the box that it came in?"

"Hey baby, can I tickle your bellybutton . . . from the inside?"

"Hey baby, wanna f***?"
"No!"
"Don't be picky, I wasn't."

"I'm gonna have sex with you tonight so you might as well be there."

"Do you work for U.P.S.?"
"No, why?"
"Because I saw you checking out my package."

"If you were a tear in my eye, I would never cry for fear of losing you."

"Can we play house?"
"You be the door and I'll slam you!"

"Come here and sit on my lap and we'll get something straight between us."

"Come here and sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up"

"If I wrote the alphabet, I would put U and I together."

"Why don't you come over and sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up."

"I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked"

"I seemed to have lost my virginity, can I have yours?"

"I forgot my phone number, can I have yours?"

"The word of the day is Legs, so lets go back to my place and spread the word!"

"If beauty stank, you'd be the shit!"

"Do you know why girls masturbate with this finger?"
(Hold out index finger)
"Because it's mine!"

"Would you sleep with me?"
"No"
"Have another beer."

"Do you have the time?"
"Why? Do you have the energy?"

"The only thing I'm shy of is two inches from a foot."

"I love every bone in your body, especially mine."

"Are those space pants you're wearing?"
"Why?"
"Cause your ass is outta this world."

"Wanna go get a pizza and f***?"
"No"
"I take it you don't like pizza?"

"I lost my teddy bear, would you sleep with me?"

"If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"

"If you and I were squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?"

"Excuse me, do you believe in pre-marital sex?"
"No"
"Well I'm married so lets fuck!"

"Excuse me, could you give me directions?"
"To where?"
"Your heart."

"Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Gretchen?"

"I've got the ship, you've got the harbor, what do you say we tie up for the night?"

"I have the F the C and the K and now all I need is you."

"Let's do some math! Add you and me together, subtract our clothes, divide your legs and multiply!"

"Do you sleep on your stomach?"
"Why?"
"Can I?"

"Can I get a picture of you?"
"Why?"
"So I can show santa what I want for Christmas."

"Damm I need a broom!"
"Why?"
"Because I'm about to sweep you off your feet."

"Do you wash yer pants with windex?"
"Why?"
"Because I can see myself in 'em."