Humour - Text Based
the really cheesy, to the truly inspired ;op
not Fred Flintstone, but I'll make your bedrock"
name is [name here]. Just remember that so you know what to scream
have pretty eyeballs. Of course they'd be better if they were
eyeing my pretty balls."
there any airport nearby or was it just my heart taking off?"
it love at first sight or should I walk by again?"
At the photocopier- "Reproducing eh? Mind if I help?"
those curves, and me with no brakes"
10p (25c, whatever). Call ya mum and tell her you won't be home
face is leaving in 15 minutes, be on it"
it hot in here, or is it just you?"
your father a thief? He must have been, he stole the stars from
the skies and put them in your eyes"
a beautiful dress.... it would look great on my bedroom floor"
on be different, say 'yes'"
your coat, you've pulled"
Motion over a girl with your little finger.
When she walks over say, "If I can make you come with my little
finger imagine what the rest of me can do"
What never fails is a card done at one of those quicky business
card boxes at stations. On one side put "Smile if you want to
sleep with me".. give it someone and watch them fight back the
pretty thing, are you looking for a job?"
"Well I'd like to have you on my staff anyway!"
me, are you a virgin?"
"Then can I have the box that it came in?"
baby, can I tickle your bellybutton . . . from the inside?"
baby, wanna f***?"
"Don't be picky, I wasn't."
gonna have sex with you tonight so you might as well be there."
you work for U.P.S.?"
"Because I saw you checking out my package."
you were a tear in my eye, I would never cry for fear of losing
we play house?"
"You be the door and I'll slam you!"
here and sit on my lap and we'll get something straight between
"Come here and sit on my lap, and we'll talk
about the first thing that pops up"
I wrote the alphabet, I would put U and I together."
don't you come over and sit on my lap and we'll talk about the
first thing that pops up."
really like to see how you look when I'm naked"
seemed to have lost my virginity, can I have yours?"
forgot my phone number, can I have yours?"
word of the day is Legs, so lets go back to my place and spread
beauty stank, you'd be the shit!"
you know why girls masturbate with this finger?"
(Hold out index finger)
"Because it's mine!"
you sleep with me?"
"Have another beer."
you have the time?"
"Why? Do you have the energy?"
only thing I'm shy of is two inches from a foot."
love every bone in your body, especially mine."
those space pants you're wearing?"
"Cause your ass is outta this world."
go get a pizza and f***?"
"I take it you don't like pizza?"
lost my teddy bear, would you sleep with me?"
I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against
you and I were squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your
me, do you believe in pre-marital sex?"
"Well I'm married so lets fuck!"
me, could you give me directions?"
me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Gretchen?"
"I've got the ship, you've got the harbor, what do you say
we tie up for the night?"
have the F the C and the K and now all I need is you."
do some math! Add you and me together, subtract our clothes, divide
your legs and multiply!"
you sleep on your stomach?"
I get a picture of you?"
"So I can show santa what I want for Christmas."
I need a broom!"
"Because I'm about to sweep you off your feet."
you wash yer pants with windex?"
"Because I can see myself in 'em."