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Humour - Text Based

Rules For Women

  1. Nothing says I love you like a blowjob in the morning.
  2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
  3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
  4. Don't make us guess.
  5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
  6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
  7. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
  8. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.
  9. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
  10. You have enough clothes.
  11. You have too many shoes.
  12. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
  13. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your Dad probably is too.
  14. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
  15. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
  16. Share the bathroom.
  17. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
  18. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
  19. Nothing says "I love you" like a blowjob in the morning.
  20. Check your oil.
  21. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
  22. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
  23. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
  24. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
  25. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
  26. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not both.
  27. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
  28. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
  29. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
  30. Nothing says "I love you" quite like a blowjob in the morning.

    DISCLAIMER: The Above does not necessarily represent my personal views, I just thought it was funny ;)